Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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