i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
