My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
