hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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