Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
