Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
