I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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