fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
