don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize