mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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