It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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