She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
