I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
