I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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