We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
