I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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