Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
