How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.