mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Spanking with handcuffs?