hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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