okay pat passed out under dana's car
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
