did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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