i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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