I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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