This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did i walk over a car last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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