it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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