at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
