come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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