genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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