i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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