Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
