I just made out with a guy for $7.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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