meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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