all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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