Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
