? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
