People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
