Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
