He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
