My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
