My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
