I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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