all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
