You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
smell my finger.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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