Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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