Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
