just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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