i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
