did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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