Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
