At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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