So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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