And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
