do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
