I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
