its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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