I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and she was petting her beer can
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
