you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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