GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
