If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
