I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Green mimosas i think yes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
