My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
