things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
