What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
