Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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