I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
