Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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