I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
