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When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
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