Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
kristin has been a bad kristin
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pooping to opera.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
