Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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