Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
