He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
