I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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