On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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