Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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