Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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