So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In America we eat man semen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
