Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
