Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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